OFF The WALL Meeting: Attachment and Bonding

Below are some of the key thoughts I took away from what Suzie Toews talked about during our OFF The WALL Meeting on March 11.

1) We need to obey, trust and pray. First off we need to obey God's calling on our life.  If we believe that after praying and counting the cost that God has called us to adopt, then by all means we should obey.  Then secondly, we need to trust that God will guide our steps and even when there are trials brought our way with our adoption process or with the children God has given us that He will be with us.  And third, we need to pray.  Pray before, during, after and throughout the whole process.  Get other people involved in praying for us and again, pray hard.

2) We all are blessed with some attachment disorders.  This does not discount the fact that some of us have been through some VERY hard experiences in our lives.  In fact, as adoptive parents we need to explore our own histories and our own expectations before we bring a child into our lives who has been through "hard places."  Suzie emphasized that we are the parents and we are to model behaviours to our children of healthy trust, acceptance, independence, empathy, forgiveness etc.  When we are also dealing with our own issues of attachment and hurt, we sometimes find it more difficult to help our child deal with their struggles.  Below is a helpful video I found from Empowered to Connect with Dr. Karyn Purvis.  Not exactly what Suzie shared but with some similar themes.


"Watch this video as Dr. Karyn Purvis talks about the importance of parents exploring their expectations and motivations, as well as the impact that their own history can have when parenting children from hard places."

3) We cannot expect that our children will all see complete healing here on earth.  Just as we are called to share the Good News of Jesus Christ with everyone but salvation is the responsibility of the Holy Spirit.  So also, we are called as Christians to adopt children from "hard places" into our homes, who have experienced horrific and unimaginable things in their short lives.  We pray that they will find mental, emotional and physical healing for the pain and trauma they have experienced but that process of healing is ultimately God's responsibility.


"In order to truly understand children from hard places — what they have experienced, the impact of those experiences and how we can help them heal and grow — it’s important that we understand some of the basics."